Act Now to Conquer Your Fear
Back in April, I dreamt I was trying to get on a subway in Shanghai at People’s Square station during rush hour. The station is one of the busiest in China, so as you can imagine, it is one of the busiest in the world. As typical, people were so tightly packed on either side that walking isn’t the right word. More like crowd-surfing with thousands of your closest friends. All breathing the same air. And everyone was coughing. No one, including myself was wearing a mask. I kept searching, for the mask I KNEW I had while frantically trying to find an exit.
I woke up hyperventilating.
I had been in those subways well over a thousand times. I never had anxiety. I never wore a mask. No one reading this article in 2021 would wonder about my newfound agoraphobia. Maybe you’ve even experienced it for yourself.
Until recently, my sister did not share these same fears. She dismissed my worries as overreacting. But when she started to work exclusively from home, she started getting nervous about being outside.
In a Masterclass on Persuasion taught by Dan Pink, he makes an interesting and counterintuitive observation: action can precede belief.
This was hard to wrap my head around. It runs contrary to literature encouraging you to find motivation then to act. But once I started finding examples, I was sold.
This concept of action coming before belief has a lot to do with fear.
Here are some common fears:
- Public speaking
- Spiders
- Heights
- Flying
- Snakes
- Dogs
Many of these fears might be from a bad experience, a dog bite perhaps. I’d wager that most are a human evolutionary trait mixed with lack of exposure.
People who grew up with dogs are far less likely to fear them, even if they had a bite. If you had an relative who was a pilot and took you on trips, you are most likely to not have had a fear of flying.
Personally, I have some weird fears, and some weird areas where I am fearless:
- Walking alone at night in a ‘bad’ area doesn’t bother me.
- Driving on the highway raises my heart rate and I need to give myself pep talks
- Giving speeches in front of a thousand people — no sweat
- Talking on the phone gives me anxiety
- Travel to a place where I know no one and don’t speak the language-Fun!
- Any snow on the ground and I decide that I don’t need to drive that day
Why is this? Exposure.
I’d leave my bartending job at 3am, with an apron full of cash and walk a mile home in a short skirt past homeless and drunks while blithely destroying my eardrums with music and never once had an issue. Maybe I was lucky, maybe the risks are overblown.
I didn’t learn to drive however until nearly 30 and only recently have lived in a place with snow.
As I drive more, including in the snow, this is less and less of an issue. However, if I had been raised in Utah and received my license at 16, this probably wouldn’t be an issue.
I had a side hustle giving speeches at boring conferences but I have never worked a job where the talking on the phone has been a large element. So the fear of public speaking never took hold, while I dread phone calls.
Fear takes root due to a lack of consistent positive or neutral experiences. And this can be reversed.
This is not a new idea — people who seek treatment for phobias often use the “flooding” technique. Just overload the phobic person the their worst fear, Batman-style. I mean, how long can terror last before you…get over it (or have a heart attack-I am not a therapist. Please consult one before trying this at home).
Sometimes your fears are more banal.
Who isn’t afraid of asking someone out on a date or negotiating for a raise?
Do something to increase your confidence beforehand, pump up your adrenaline, activate your fear response in a win-win situation.
Invite 10 of the hottest people you can find on Tinder on a date. What’s the worst that can happen? You get ten no thank you’s? Cool, you weren’t planning on a yes anyway.
Ask a celebrity CEO to be your mentor. Will you get ghosted? 99% yes. Cool! 1% chance of having Bill Gates be your Yoda.
After that, how stressful will it swiping right on someone you are actually interested in? Asking for a couple extra grand in a merit review? No sweat!
If fear is holding you back, take stock on your experiences and analyze why you might be afraid.
Ask yourself, what would someone who isn’t afraid do?
For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, you are among friends. 75% of the population shares this fear.
Take an improv class, ask your boss for more experiences with leading meetings, or go balls to the wall and volunteer to speak at a high school assembly. What is the worst that can happen?
You might embarrass yourself, but who actually cares?
I took an improv class and many were there to get over their fear of public speaking.
On day one I remember, one person completely froze — did not say a word for an agonizing two minutes despite the best efforts of the teacher, while everyone politely looked at their phones. Another started to cry. One never came back. Guess what? No one cared. Its improv, we all sucked. Everyone who stuck around, however, improved. I couldn’t tell you who started with fear and who didn’t.
Some fears are totally rational. Being afraid of being stuck inside a crowded space without a mask during a pandemic spread primarily through airborne particles is a very rational fear that you SHOULD NOT TRY TO FLOOD YOUR WAY OUT OF just in case anyone needed to hear that. But once the experts say that it’s all good, don’t let irrational fear take hold.
We all have fears. Some reasonable, some not.
Taking your life into your hands and working to get over the fears holding you back help you to get closer to the person you want to be.
If you’re afraid of public speaking, but have no interest speaking publicly, cool! No one cares if you don’t.
But, if fear is stopping you from being your best self, take action.
Waiting until you aren’t afraid means waiting forever. The way to conquer fears is to act.
What are you waiting for?
