Actually, it’s not fine.

As the spirit of 2020 lingers like a houseguest not catching the hint, our national resilience is starting to wear through. Cracks appear in our perfectly smooth facades. The smiles are starting to feel painted on.

We aren’t ok. And that is ok.

Saying this grates against the grain of our collective ethos of personal responsibility. If you aren’t ok, then what are you doing about it?

There’s a pill for that.
Online therapy.
There is always someone who has it worse, be grateful.

Or maybe it is our own fault. If we were better, if we were more prepared; we would be ok.
If we had made a different choice — gone right when we veered left, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

We just need to think positively, and it will all work out. Right?
This is a fallacy.
Optimism is a fair-weather friend.
Hoping for the best is all well and good, but only if you prepare for the worst. And preparation can’t happen without imagining the worst. We don’t like to think about the worst. Forty percent of Americans cannot cover a $400 emergency without borrowing. Most Americans don’t have a will.
We don’t like to think about the worst.

It goes further than the lack of preparedness.
We invalidate ourselves and our experiences.

When something goes wrong, we blame ourselves. We self-castigate and run through what we should have known, what we should have done better. It’s all our fault.

We don’t want to think about it, so we tell ourselves that it will all be fine. It’s all good. No worries.
But sometimes it won’t be fine.

Positivity has its place, but focusing on the bright side at the expense of reality is a problem.

It’s not all good when the same negative feelings bubble up time and time again. You can only shove those emotions back into the suitcase so many times before it breaks, and the emotions come flying out — resulting in rage, in burnout.
It can result in death.
Suicide is a leading cause of death in the US, particularly for men. Generations of men have been told to “man up” and fight, drink, or push those feelings away. It’s killing them.

It’s not all good, and it hasn’t been all good for a long while.

Trying to reframe everything positively denies your own human experience. You gaslight yourself.

Accept that you have feelings. Own it. Having feelings doesn’t make you weak.
Whatever you are feeling, say it:

• I am stressed, and I accept that I feel this way.
• I feel angry because my work idea was rejected.
• I feel sad because my birthday party was canceled.
• I feel guilty because my wife lost her job, and I didn’t.
• I feel ashamed because I have been drinking a lot.

You are human. These are human feelings.

You don’t need to feel proud of them; you don’t need to defend them. Stop denying them, at least to yourself. Hiding those emotions is doesn’t solve them. They don’t go away.

Be kind to your future self, and just embrace those feelings now.

Isn’t it about time to accept that it isn’t all good?