The Power of Values/The Values of Power

On New Year’s Eve, I dodged a moral bullet.

I was reading an article about some banks and credit unions holding stimulus checks hostage on overdrawn accounts. Concerningly, a local bank was specifically called out. I asked my team if anyone had heard what our organization was doing around this issue. I was directed to an internal post explaining the policy — one that put us firmly in the white hat category. I can’t describe how grateful I am to work at a place that doesn’t make me cringe when reading national newspapers, how grateful I am to work at a company that matches my values.

This hasn’t always been the case.

My first values-based career decision came while in my junior year of college. I had a promising internship at a TV station as a producer. The energy of the newsroom was like crack to my under-stimulated brain. I sprinted between fixing the anchors makeup, coaching reporters on the correct pronunciation of names, fetching coffee for the camera crew, frantically calling sources to verify facts for the lead story, thrusting the final printed script into the anchor's hands just in time for the countdown of “5,4,3,2,1 showtime”. The shifts were over in a blink and I left at midnight shaking from the adrenaline rush.

When I got an invite to meet with the General Manager of the station, I was equally terrified and thrilled. My fellow intern, friend, and ride to-and-from the station half-jokingly told me to put in a good word for her. As a senior, and a reporter, her path was harder and her needs more immediate than mine. She was one of the few in the department fluent in Spanish, a huge plus in southern Arizona. And I admired her authenticity. She had a facial birthmark similar to mine and didn’t cover it with makeup.

I recall most of the meeting was about my future with the station, and that it was good. Then the topic strangely moved to my friend. The manager asked if my friend was serious about finding work as a reporter.

Eager to toss in a good word, I started to gush about her. I was cut off sharply by her saying, “If you’re a good friend, you will tell her to stop trying to be a television reporter. With her birthmark and weight, she’ll never find on-camera work. I’m not trying to be the bad guy, I’m just being honest.”

I left the meeting numb and confused. In the car later, I played off the meeting as a standard meet and greet with the intern.

I was not a good friend.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t dash her dreams. I lost touch with her after I left the station and don’t even remember her name. I hope she ended up as a reporter. The world would be better off if she was.

I was offered a role at the station as a part-time producer for the summer and turned it down. I didn’t want to work in the TV business anymore.

I didn’t connect my sudden apathy towards TV news with this interaction until later. I justified it as seeing TV news as a soon-to-be dinosaur and bet on digital journalism. I wouldn’t have described it as a values-based decision. It just felt icky.

Now I know the “icky” feeling is a sign that my values (moral compass, integrity, whatever you want to call it) is being triggered. Some internal sensor lights up, and it’s time to ask more questions or to make a choice. Over the last few years, I have worked to clarify my values and personal moral code.

Understanding your values is a privilege.

Being able to question yourself and the world around you takes time, space, and mental/emotional bandwidth. It takes imagination to consider what could be (should be). And it takes strength to hold both concepts; the world that you want and the world that is, in your hands without succumbing to nihilism.

Being able to act on your values is a privilege and it's one that most don’t have.

It takes power to act. And we live in a world where power is not equally distributed.

Where in 2020, 56 people were inducted into the billionaires club while 8 million Americans were pushed into poverty. Where lines of cars stretched for miles at food banks. Where during a pandemic, doctors and nurses were fired because hospitals couldn’t afford to pay them. Where EMT’s tirelessly risk their lives and get paid less than an In-and-Out cashier. Where a woman was gunned down by police in her own bed and not given justice. Where a 23-year old died after rationing his insulin because he couldn’t afford the $1300 charge per bottle. Where the idea that anyone can become president stopped being an inspiration and turned into a threat.

The concept of who deserves what, of fairness, of justice, of values has no place in this amoral world (did it ever?).

The ability to act on your values is a privilege — one I didn’t feel I had for most of my life.

And my internal sensors went off plenty.

When a boss told me to scrape the mold off a dessert before serving it to customers-my moral compass spun.

When I realized just how hilariously incompetent I was at teaching the Chinese students who likely had special needs — I felt shame.

A cinematic-version of these events play out in my mind when I feel low.

That reporter and I would start our own (wildly successful…somehow) TV station focusing on telling diverse stories. I would stand on a table, throw the dessert in the owners face, and announce to the world that he was a Bad Man doing Bad Things. I would turn into Michelle Pfeiffer (Dangerous Minds) or Jaime Escalante and somehow “reach these kids” while learning “very important lessons” of my own.

In truth, I did none of these things. Most people don’t.

We feel powerless. The weight of the world’s problems is too big, too heavy to bear. It’s easier to give in to the numbness and just change the channel. Go back to sleep. To read a more cheerful article about a puppy saving kittens from a fire.

And our system, The Man, Capitalism, The Libs ( insert your own bogeyman here) know this, want this, and depend on this.

In truth, there is always something you can do. You can make a difference in today’s world.

I didn’t tell my friend what the manager said, but I sent her ads for roles outside mainstream TV and I stopped covering my own birthmark. I didn’t expose that restaurant owner, but I ‘tripped’ and dropped the moldy dessert on the ground so I could give the table fresh baklava. I didn’t suddenly gain competence in teaching difficult students, but I read books on teaching and childhood disorders. I asked for help.

None of these solved the problem. The world didn’t magically improve. But that’s not the point.

In some small way, I tried to make a difference. I took back power. I acted on my values.

I felt less icky.

You can make a 1% improvement in today’s world. You can feel less icky.

And you can aim your power, limited as it may be, at making a better future.

I can consume media featuring diverse voices. I can vote to help small businesses earn more profit and therefore not have to cut so many corners to survive. I can improve my skills and make better job choices so my failures won’t have so big an impact.

I can vote — with my time, my money, my feet.

I am now in a position where I can afford to pay a bit more money to live my values. I can afford a pay cut to take a job at a company that matches my values. And I can afford to leave a job that doesn’t.

I am privileged to afford these things. And because I can, I should. Most people can’t.

For many, the only thing they can afford is to pay attention. To witness. To learn.

This isn’t nothing.

Today, you might not feel like you have the power to change the world. But you have the power to witness the injustices without looking away. To own that icky feeling. To understand what value is being triggered and why.

To make a decision, a choice. Even if it's a choice to do better tomorrow.

The shameful thing about this world is that the best option today may be to keep your mouth shut and do the bad thing.

If I had told that General Manager exactly what I thought about her advice, it would have changed nothing about the situation. If I had actively disobeyed that restaurant owner, I would have been immediately fired and replaced with someone who would keep their mouth shut. Leaving the school would have left those students with a teacher who would bribe them with candy to be quiet, instead of trying to do better.

Survive today, understand your values, make tomorrow better.

So on New Year’s Eve, I dodged a moral bullet. My company made an ethical decision I can be proud of. That icky feeling did not come.

It is so easy to feel powerless and unheard. I hope you read this and find a bit of power in yourself.

Part of growing up is realizing the world isn’t a movie. The big damn heroes aren’t coming to save the day. That one teacher with a leather jacket and a backward-facing chair isn’t going to save the lives and futures of all her students.

Don’t aim at changing today’s world, solving all its problems. Therein lies madness and alcoholism.

Understanding your values, your moral code is enough. Taking one small action is enough.

You have the power to create lasting change. Probably not today, maybe not next year, but as your power grows, so does your influence, your leverage, your momentum. The mindset of acting on your values will become a habit. Creating positive change becomes a habit and gradually the world will change.

In some small way, you will change the world.

Don’t give in to despair and numbness. Of assuming that “it is what it is”.

Be better, do better, one small act at a time.